February is the month of love, to celebrate special time with valentine, and celebrate love.
Love – What is love? We all talk about love a lot, but what actually is the definition of love? What does love really feel like? It is the emotion to feel and experience, it is unexplainable. Yet it carries that non tangible good feelings when you experience it. It is a different feel and different experience to each one. It carries that super charged positive unique feelings. It feels like excitement and bundle of joy. It gives peace and security. No doubt, like all other emotions, nothing exists without its strong opposite, just like a day has night too, good has bad too, similarly, the love as its own opposite polarity emotions and that is anger, sadness, revenge, grief, pain and hatred. People who are in love has experienced these opposite emotions too while in love.
Knowing, human being is a social animal and he carries different relations during his journey of life, so let us see what different types of love a person can experience
Different types of love
1. Brotherly love – it is romance less love is love without romantic attraction and it occurs between friends or family members. It occurs when both people share the same values and respect each other
2. Enduring love – It is unique bonded love that matures over many years. It’s an everlasting love between a couple that chooses to put equal effort into their relationship. Commitment and dedication are there to stand with each other.
3. Acceptance love – this type of love is seen generally in parents and children or best friends, where it’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection.
4. Lust love -this type of love is a primal love that comes as a natural instinct for a couple who falls in love. It’s a passionate love displayed through physical affection. These romantic behaviors include, but are not limited to, kissing, hugging and holding hands. This love is a desire for another person’s physical body.
5. Flirting love – it is a child-like and flirtatious love commonly found in the beginning stages of a relationship. This type of love consists of teasing, playful motives and laughter between two people. People try their luck to attract love. It is more of seeking others attention towards you.
6. Obsessive love – It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness or co-dependency, found in couples with an imbalance of love towards each other. It can be some disorder of childhood emotional issues.
7. Self-love – this is healthy form of love where you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being. It’s healthier when self-love is balanced, person can have healthy relations with any other person.
8. Motherly love – it is the highest level of love to offer. It’s given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is more seen in ideal mother’s love towards a child.
9. Conditional love – this type of love is based on conditions, where a person ‘uses’ the other person for recieving selfish needs of one’s own desires.
10. Manipulative love – this type of love is seen in people who can think, do or behave to show love for removing their selfish needs from the other one.
11. Abusive love – this type of love is more of abusing other people to show their pseudo powers, ego and domination. A person could have had a very powerful abusive mother to this person during his childhood.
12. Platonic love – This type of love is an affectionate relationship between two human beings in which sexual intercourse intetest is neither desired nor practiced. It is not vulgar. It has respect for boudaries, trust and has no expectations. It requires honesty from both ends and it is self less
13. Comanionship love – it is the state of being friends, but it goes a deeper than even a friendship. It is a closeness or familiarity, a true fellowship among two people who for whatever reasons have truly connected. It goes with cozy feelings and great company of one another with some common goal.
14. Friendship love – what mainly separates love and friendship is the sexual aspect between the two people. In friendship love, there is no sexual desire. When you’re in love, you want to make plans with each other, move forward together, do everything together, have sex or intimacy.
15. Teacher Student crush love – it is normal to have crushe on teachers. It is normal to have crushe on anyone in high school as you are a teenager and your hormones are high, but when someone stands in front of a classroom, and is confident in their teaching, intelligent and passionate about their subject, it is very understandable that they would be admired. And that admiration can be crush or love
16. Puppy love- Puppy love, also known as a crush, is an informal term for feelings of romantic or platonic love, often felt during childhood and early adolescence, generally 4 to 14 year olds. It is named for its resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a puppy.
17. And may be few more types of love could be there.
Relationships are of different types and that’s why different types of love exists with different types of people
Being a tarot card reader, I address everyday 5 to 6 clients for concerns around relationship, marriage and future.
Questions such as,
1. Will he marry me
2. Does he love me
3. Is he cheating on me
4. Why does he not commit for marriage
5. I love him, but his parents are not okay for us to get married
6. When will I get married
7. What does he think for me
8. What does he feel for me
I often wonder why people ask such questions, but I guess unawareness is the main cause and ego, righteousness, pride can be second, thirdly, it can be non acceptance and more expectations. Fourth can be your deeper desires and attachments.
We all are very intellectual wise people and having our conscience talking to us, we can surely understand what the problematic cause in our relation after reading this. The least is we can do is to make some changes in ourselves, rather than complaining and cribbing about how the other one in the relation. Difficult??!! Not at all. Let me make it easy.
What can be the cause to common problems for the couple in love relations? Or even for couple who are married and having disharmony, frictions, and arguments in their life?
The common problems a couple in relation can be due to
1. Communication gap
2. Trust issues
3. Disrespect issues
4. Inability to balance between give and receive love
5. Unable to prioritise
6. Unable to balance between work and love life
7. Compatibility issues, lifestyle issues
8. Different love language
9. Unable to give quality time
10. Become negative to pinpoint others weakness
11. Having unrealistic expectations
12. Becoming possessive on other one
15. Not giving space to each other
16. Having sex related problems
Most of the married couples have following problems in their relationship:
1. Division of labour
2. Financial mismanagement
3. Irresponsible towards each other or children’s task
4. Personality difference
5. Different love language
6. Communication style difference
7. Sexual differences
8. Conflict beliefs
9. Jealousy and infidelity
10. Boredom – no great excitement, cuddling, touch, hugs, kiss and more
12. Communication gap
13. Power inequity
14. Abuse – physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, verbal abuse, cultural abuse
15. Mismatching Values and beliefs – Different values, different viewpoints and different beliefs create different mindset individual
16. Trying to change each other
17. Keeping score with each other
18. Unrealistic expectations
19. Neglect, avoid, ignore, not pay attention
21. Poor listening ability
22. Do not spend quality time with each other
23. Criticise, condemn, cynicism, nagging, taunting
24. Trust issues
25. Bottled up emotions
26. Stress in many aspects
27. Unresolved past conflicts
28. Taken for granted
29. Operate from ‘already always’ biased grudges and preconceived notions
30. Being ungrateful or unacknowledged or unappreciative
31. Having doubts and control on other one
32. Having sex related issues
33. Having conflict to raise children
34.Giving unfair treatment to other with time, money, words and attention
35. Having issues with relatives, in-laws and joint family system
36. Extra marital affairs, infidelity and secret hidden selfish agendas
37. Mis-alignment to joint co-existence functioning for major aspects such as life style, health, food, money, expenditure, education, savings and more
38. Harsh communication, being rude or over powering or over controlling
Best ways to bring everlasting love in relation with self or relation with others is, is to peep into your own heart, with self-awareness, self-reflection and introspection.
Open The Lock In Your Heart
The key to bringing more love into the world and especially in our relationships starts first with self-knowing, self-discovery, self-awareness, self-acceptance. This brings more calmness and opens us up to greater love in relation.
Once you have authentic relation with yourself, you can have healthy balance relationship with others, the relationships that are heart-centered and full of love.
Here are my simple tips to help you bring more love into the world:
1. Next time you are in a potential conflict or disagreement with someone, ask yourself: does this really matter? Will I even be talking about this in the months and years to come!? Is it really T H I N K. Is it Thoughtful, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Nurturing, is it Kind?
2. Take some time out—get away from the situation, introspect and let your emotions calm down. Otherwise, you might end up doing something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
3. Put yourself in the other person’s place and ask how you would want to be treated if you were them. Then treat them exactly the same way, if not even better.
4. See each person in your life as a young baby. They all were at one time. Show them the same love and awe you would show toward an infant.
5. Look for the highest good in the other person. Everyone is doing the best they can, so help them be the best they can be! Indeed, in any dealings with other people, always look for the highest good of all involved.
6. Learn from any previous experiences where a relationship has deteriorated. Learn positive lessons, discard the negative. Ask yourself: What lessons can I use to do things differently next time? What else is possible by me?
7. Look for guidance from your mentors and people you look up to help you resolve any relationship issues. What would your role models say? What mindset, attitude reuires a change in you?
8. The most important thing of all is to have a life mission to bring more love into the world. Ask yourself these two key questions anytime you are in a conflict: How can I bring more love into the world? What are my intentions? Is my communication honest, loving and effective?
9. Have least expectation and full acceptance how the person is. Try to be more independent so that your dependency does not cause expectation. Expectation gives pain in the relationship, acceptance gives peace and strength to make stronger
10. Have least judgement, with least conditions of ‘should’ and ‘must’. We often throw our weight and conditions that makes the other one discomfortable. Relations are not deals or contracts that come with term and conditions attached. Check, are you to compulsive to ask any thing forcibly?
11. Find a solution to the problems and not focus on problems and weakness. Respecting the other one and empathising with the other one can allow one to speak up and communicate to ease out the problems.
12. When angry or upset, think twice before you speak.Think again and rethink again and then speak. Words when used loosely can create hurts and distance.
13. Drop the past baggage. Carrying baggage from the past and anticipating for best to happen in the present, can never happen. Carrying past baggage can create bitterness and not love.
14. Let go. Let go unpleasant memories, toxic emotions, traumas, abuses, toxicity negativity, bitterness, resentment, regrets, guilt and more. Heal your unpleasant past and then step into the present to create a better future.
15. Be compassionate to your own self and also to to others too. Compassion is another name of love. Kindness and compassion together can make relation loving and flourishing.
16. Have forgiving attitude. Don’t create issues for petty things. No one is perfect. People can make mistakes. People have flaws.people have weaknesses.
17. Being grateful. You can co-exist and function without much of problems because of many other people’s support. Be kind enough to appreciate, acknowledge and be thankful.
18. Learn the art of effective and loving communication. Effective Communication can be learnt. Most of the problems arises because of what you say and how you say it. Listening and talking both should be well balanced.
19. No one is perfect. Do not taunt or nag on others inefficiency, vulnerability, flaws or weaknesses. Treat others the way you wish to be treated
20. Before complaining, ask yourself, reflect and check, ‘are you unconsciously the one responsible for the same complain rather than the other one?’
21. Empathise, and be an emotional and moral support when other one have the problems with you. Don’t give deaf ear or neglect it. It is very simple thing to do. Try balancing between the two conflicting viewpoints with an understanding.
22. Self-care, self-love. Learn to care for your own self before caring for others. Lean to love yourself before you love others. Most of the problem arises as we please others before pleasing ourselves, when we care for others more than caring for our own selves. It is not selfish. It is self-respecting. You are important.
23. Allow others to express, listen to their needs. Just a simple empathised listening, without judging, or reacting or getting triggered solves half of the problems.
24. Overcome any triggers that leads you to lose your balance. Heal your past emotional wounds, feel whole and complete.
25. Trust issues, control issues, jealousy, possessiveness, unloved and unworthy feelings are the main cause to loving relation with yourself and others. Heal your inner childhood wounds and dark shadows.
26. Remain committed to every word of yours. Be polite to talk to yourself and others too.
27. Set enough time to yourself and also for others. Reduce unnecessary activities that takes away your precious time to spend with yourself and others.
Hope this information can really throw a light into the dark areas of your loving relations, first with your own self and then with others too. Your inner conscience is the truth that can bring light and feelings of light that can uplift you, your vibrations and that is how you become a part of this loving world, contributing a small part of Being Love.
Roop Lakhani, Tarot Card Reader, Healer & Coach
Image by Beyond Timelines from Pixabay